" It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE "
When our team decided to develop and produce a wedding issue, I was very thrilled and felt lots of joy and happiness to contribute to this theme. I started thinking about interesting stuff to talk about which will be useful to all couples, and after a while I was hit by the question “what about after the wedding?” Marriage, by itself, is not easy as it is two-way relation that needs lots of cherishing and caring. Taking
the other partner in the marriage for granted does not work out.Both partners in marriage have to work hard to maintain a healthy relationship.
I Started thinking how our parents raise us up. In the Middle East part of the world, many parents concentrate on preparing their girls for marriage; they bring the subject up often, they buy house-
hold stuff in advance for her house and often you hear parents and relatives saying “a girl’s place is in her husband’s house”. On the other hand, parents bring up their boys concentrating on their future studies and jobs and they hint to them, directly and/or indirectly, that marriage is suffocating and demands a lot of responsibility. I wonder how girls are supposed to have a happy life when their supposed future partners have such kind thoughts in their minds. Of course the world around us is changing and some parents started to realize that this is not the right approach and they try to correct it, but it takes a long time and effort to change.
SO unfortunately our parents bring us up with a lot of misconceptions about marriage. Here in Egypt, the divorce rate has increased tremendously; approximately there are 280 divorces per day. I assume this is due to the wrong ideas, wrong choices of partners and to the increasing financial burden on any couple. In addition there are approximately 8 million unmarried girls now in Egypt mainly due to the increasing number of girls over boys. It could also be attributed to the misconceptions that men, and perhaps women too, have about marriage. Anis Mansour, the great Egyptain writer, says “the lover is blind until he gets married”, Abd El Moniem Ibrahim, the great actor, said in one the Nagiub Mahfouz Trilogy “bring me one man who loves his wife.”
No marriage in this world is without problems, as they say problems are the spice of life. Success depends on the way you deal with your problems and how you face the realities of life. Most of the things we do in life, like studying – working – communicating, are difficult and need a lot of perseverance and marriage falls under the same umbrella. Marriage is not an end in itself but a beginning of stage that needs a lot of nurturing. It is like a plant that needs continuous care to flourish.
I have two groups of friends, one group married early and the other group decided to pursue their academic and professional career before getting married. Many couples in the two groups have happy marriages. It is crucial to choose what is more suitable for each individual case and not to generalize. Some people get married when they are relatively young for the sake of not getting older which makes the opportunities less, but this is not a wise act. We cannot exclude the fact that some of these types of marriages succeed but we caution that this should not be the main factor in selection. Marriage involves a lot of financial and social responsibilities and not to mention the most important which is love and care. We need to be realistic, prepare well, think well and care much in order
to succeed. We should not give up and get frustrated at the first problem we face, but we should try hard to succeed. We should believe in our partner, share our life, think positively and have the determination to succeed.
So hopefully, men and women learn from others’ experiences. One should choose the partner who is compatible, socially, financially and academically. Most of all choose someone who understands, cares, loves, cherishes and protects you. Please think positively and you will get positive results. Good luck to all couples……
