“Being a Mother means that your heart is no longer yours; it wanders wherever your children go”...

When I was pregnant with my second child I was so depressed and concerned and one day I sat down wondering and asked my mother:” Tell me mom: how am I supposed to love this coming baby? I mean there’s no room in my heart for him or her. I love my daughter so much! How am I supposed to love someone else? It’s simply impossible! Mom laughed and told me:” Honey calm down; of course you will be able to love again and again, you’ll simply divide all the love in your heart among all your coming children. God created mothers with this very special option, so don’t worry just wait and you’ll see for yourself”.

Years have passed and after three kids I have discovered that mom was absolutely right and my heart is big enough to share love which is equally divided for all my three kids. I have the ability to love them at the same time, the same amount. I’m not sure how I can do that, but I just can, and I do it with proficiency. The problem is that sometimes I feel like the abundance of my love might harm them! Is that true? Can the excessive amount of love of a mother really hurt her kids? If you are interested to know just keep reading!

Have you heard of the saying “Less is more”? It means a little amount of something can be better than a lot of something. How can this be applicable to love? Is it possible? Yes it’s. When the excessive amount of love is overbearing for the one receiving it and this person may also become completely dependent on the person providing this love.

Mama’s first Love:
A mother’s love is unlike any other because no one else can take the place of the woman who spent 9 months sharing her body with you, nurturing and protecting you before going through the miracle of birth. It is this unique bond that forms the basis of a mother’s love for her child. A love that is unconditional and perpetual, absolute and profound.

When you first see your little angle between your arms, you realize how helpless and weak he is and you promise him from that first moment a life full of care, health, happiness and love; simply you dedicate your full time, your full attention and your life to this little creature. But the problem never appears that clearly in this early phase, because the child is in a real need for his mother’s help and care.

I remember the first time I took my child to her pediatrician I burst out crying with her when she took her vaccine! Of course the doctor wanted to throw me out of the clinic!! But I couldn’t help it, I was hurt too! See how much a mother can be connected to her baby! This feeling will never fade out, on the contrary, the bond between the two will grow stronger day after another and the mother’s heart will start monitor every little pain or joy inside her child’s heart even without saying!

The Side Effects of Love:
First we should understand what that exactly means. If I love my child I should protect him all the time, keep him as far as I can from failure, push him to the top, encourage him, support him and simply be there for him 24/7. Too much love, right? An overprotective mother may never realize that she can be doing more harm than good to her child. Here’s why:

Decreasing confidence:
The child who is subjected to overwhelming amount of love may lose his confidence by depending completely on his mother. Undermining children’s confidence in their own abilities to take care of themselves and get things done will definitely affect their normal healthy growth. Parents unconsciously will embed the fear of failure in their children; they will never learn something new and they will be afraid to launch to a new phase of their lives because they are not sure what’s right and what’s wrong, you were always there to guide them “Only” to choose right!

Stunting Growth:
When my son turned fifteen, he told me that he is old enough to take a Taxi by himself. I refused at the beginning telling him that I have no problem at all to drive him wherever and whenever he wants. But he insisted, and in fact all what he wanted was to set him free, to trust him and to be sure that he can handle things by himself without my help. After so many long arguments, I gave up and since then he never stopped surprising me of how a responsible young man he was! I discovered that one of the most important jobs parents have is to prepare their children to be independent and productive adults.

A Stressful Life:
As a mother I thought by loving and protecting my children I will be enjoying my life in peace and calmness, but I figured out that “too much love will kill me too”! Can you imagine how stressful life would be when you are in charge of your children 24 hours!! Try imagining your laptop or your mobile overcharged … it’ll eventually explode! There’s not much enjoyment in trying to make everything perfect. A recent study shows that overprotective mothers may suffer from anxiety disorder and they are even called “obsessed parents”! It has shown that parents who constantly run interference between their children and the real world are actually doing more harm than good.

At the end, there’s nothing more wonderful in this world than to be one perfect loving mother, your children very much need you, just like the beautiful flowers in a garden that need to blossom, they wait for the warmth of the sun, the tender of the breeze and the smoothness of the water. Too much of any would make them wither and weak, wouldn’t they?

Dear Mama, Love your children as much as you can but learn how and when to let go...

By: Amal Hejazi