Raising kids is hard enough. And given the multitude of things kids are exposed to, just trying to keep them out of harm’s way is tough enough, yet trying to provide the types of experiences that lead to resilient, strong, hard working, and kind individuals can feel like an insurmountable challenge. Parents often turn to the endless array of parenting books — and everything seems incredibly confusing. Mentally strong kids are prepared for the challenges of the world. They’re able to tackle problems productively, bounce back from failure effectively, and cope with hardships competently. Helping kids build mental strength equips them to deal with life’s challenges – both big and small. Mentally strong kids don’t act tough or suppress their emotions. They also don’t become stubborn or treat others unkindly. Instead, developing mental strength is about building resilience and helping kids have the courage and confidence to reach their full potential.

No one said raising kids is supposed to be easy, and so it goes that raising mentally strong kids is even harder. The truth is raising mentally strong kids is supposed to be tough — just like the kids. Yet when we put in the enormous amounts of time and energy it takes — and choose the hard road no matter how challenging — we also show them just what toughness is.

1. Teach Specific Skills
Discipline shouldn’t be about punishing, it should be about teaching. Look at your child’s misbehavior as an opportunity to teach specific skills, such as problem-solving skills, impulse control, and self-discipline skills. These skills will help your child learn to behave productively, even when he’s faced with temptation, tough circumstances, and difficult setbacks.

2. Let Your Child Make Mistakes
Allow your child to learn some important life lessons by making his own mistakes. Teach your child that mistakes are part of the learning process so he doesn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed for getting something wrong. Allow for natural consequences when it’s safe to do so and talk about how to avoid repeating the same mistake next time.

3. Calm the Negativity
It’s hard for kids to feel mentally strong when they’re bombarding themselves with put-downs or when they’re predicting doom and gloom. Teach your child to silence the negativity and think more realistically. Looking at life’s inevitable obstacles realistically, yet optimistically helps kids perform at their peak.

4. Help Your Child Face Fears
If your child avoids things that are scary, he’ll never have an opportunity to gain confidence in his ability to deal with stress. Whether your child is afraid of the dark, or he doesn’t want to challenge himself to try new things, help your child face his fears. When kids successfully face their fears, they’ll gain confidence to step outside their comfort zones so they can keep growing stronger.

5. Allow Your Child to Feel Uncomfortable
Although it can be tempting to help a child when he’s struggling, rescuing him from all distress will only reinforce to him that he’s helpless. Whether your child is feeling frustrated with his math homework, or he’s struggling to resolve an argument with a friend, let your child experience some discomfort and give him an opportunity to solve the problem independently. Kids can build mental strength by successfully learning they can deal with their emotions.

6. Focus on Building Character
Kids need a strong moral compass to help them make healthy decisions. Work hard to instill your values in your child. Create opportunities for life lessons that reinforce your values regularly. For example, emphasize the importance of honesty and compassion, rather than winning at all costs. Children who understand their values are more likely to make healthy choices – even when others may disagree with their actions.

7. Make Gratitude a Priority
Gratitude is a wonderful remedy for self-pity and other bad habits that can prevent your child from being mentally strong. Help your child affirm all the good in the world, so that even on his worst days, he’ll see that he has much to feel thankful for. Gratitude can boost a child’s mood and encourage proactive problem-solving.

8. Affirm Personal Responsibility
Building mental strength involves accepting personal responsibility. Allow for explanations – but not excuses when your child makes a mistake or misbehaves. Correct your child if he tries to blame others for how he thinks, feels, or behave.

9. Teach Emotion Regulation Skills
Building mental strength requires kids to have an acute awareness of their emotions. It’s not about suppressing their feelings, but instead choosing healthy ways to cope with those feelings. Teach your child how to deal with uncomfortable emotions, like anger, sadness, and fear. When kids understand their feelings and know how to deal with them, they’ll be better prepared to deal with challenges.

10. Role Model Mental Strength
Showing your child how to be mentally strong – rather than telling him – is the best way to encourage him to develop mental strength. Talk about your personal goals and show your child that you’re taking steps to grow stronger. Make self-improvement and mental strength a priority in your own life.