The blinking thing on my screen is flashing nonstop and it’s driving me insane. The paper is still a virgin; as white as those unreal white laundry detergent commercial undies. The words are hollow and thoughts are empty, the sound is silent and the feelings are wildly calm. I sit to write, yet I fail, so I don’t set again to try. I wait. No reason to write but my ego, but why should I write… When I have ego.

I keep thinking of more traits to describe those closest to me, to put in words how they think, how they feel and how it all looks ridiculously inane to me. Could there possibly be no more shit to talk about, or are we not able to talk because of all the shit. Is the time and matter appropriate for my charming self to make fun of things, or should I fake respect and shut my mouth?
I still try to think of things to say, of feelings to share, but nothing. I am waiting.

I am completely void of sympathy to the cause, with no empathy towards the people and no tolerance for circumstances. I find this all one big facade, a charade of sorts. A movie with a ridiculous plot in which there is no script and a lousy soundtrack where the lyrics to the songs are corny and infuriating. Even worse are the actors in it, they are shameless, arrogant, egotistical, lying, deceitful, dishonest, corrupt, selfish, self-serving, self-preserving, self-righteous, smug, incoherent, inconsistent, unreliable, silly, meaningless, pointless, narrow minded, barbaric, crude, disrespectful, gross, impolite and primitive depressing a-holes, and the audiences are all dead. Yes, I used a thesaurus, and you’re welcome for the new vocabulary you picked up reading this.

Remember the dream, the cause, the reasons and why we did it all?
No, then we will suffer no more. The right is left, and up is the same as down, the shit has hit sideways and the game has no end. We are stuck in the game of our lives. And there is no cheat mode this time, no walkthrough or wiki. But we have the world web where everybody has something to say. We overshare to compensate for the insignificance that is in our lives. We stopped being real and have instead waged the war virtually on ourselves… this is ridiculously senseless.

In the vacant corridors of my mind where the raw data is crunching non-stop with no output to show for it. I am still waiting. We all endure, we all sacrifice, but we don’t tolerate and we certainly don’t forgive. There is no light, there is not out, it has ended and now it is dark. Yet the story continues, the people still live and nothing changes. The smiles grow weary and people get tired, we have lost hope and we stopped caring. We are anarchy, the absence of law within freedom. We are nonaccountable for our actions because we are babies, kids doing wrong and think its all fun and games. No one WILL punish us. No one CAN punish us. We have failed collectively -- Will we learn and grow up… ever?

The land has withered, and the river is running dry. The excuses grow duller, as do the lies. We are divided as much as we are torn apart. We hate everything and everyone hates us. The shallow words, the ill thoughts and the bigotry we have become; along with the knives, the guns and the bombs, in our pockets are the currencies of the new game. This is not a transitional phase, not a loading screen… THIS IS THE GAME..!

We are still funny, but the joke has finally run dry. We are dads,moms, sisters and brothers. We are uncle, aunts, grandparents and all weird relatives. We are engineers, soldiers, whores and bums. We are  still breathing but we are not alive. We are automated but we are not efficient. We talk trash but we do not care. We are here but we are not found. We are silent.

The stupid thing is still blinking, and I have nothing to say, my heart is steady; there is no flutter of joy or flap of sadness. No more waiting…!

I am unable to dream. These are not my sleepless nights for I have none!

I am unable to write. These are not my words for I have none!
I am unable to think. These are not my thoughts for I have none!
I am unable to feel. These are not my emotions for I have none!
I am unable to be me, for … I AM NUMB…!