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There is no art to arguing, because arguing is not a form of conversation, it’s more a bash of words thrown against the other party accompanied by loud and excess levels of volume, mixed in with stubbornness and refusal to use the upper brain functions, in order to better the chances, that the opposing party gives up and adopts your POV first. I find that when you argue, it’s the one with the most patience or tolerance who wins. If we are to consider it “art”, then the key attribute will be how to drive your opposition to give up first. Arguments are mostly associated with… who is louder or who has more authority; but who is right and who is at fault, it is trivialized. The art of negotiation on the other hand, is a smart game of chess between two parties; it is the subtle arrangement of words utilizing hidden meanings and unexpressed emotions that are carefully expressed vocally, written or through gestures. The choice of words; the usage of certain verbs and adjectives makes all the difference, the tone is instrumental, along with mechanics of body gestures. A well placed comma or a speech pause can make a stance more solid. Confidence is the key, you plan ahead, what to say, what not to say, and how to answer back, you prepare contingencies and scenarios, and most importantly, you choose the right time and place for the conversation.
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Ok, so unless you’ve spent your entire life as a hermit, interacting solely with yourself, you are no stranger to verbal disagreements. Arguments are inevitable. Nonetheless, I was taught from a very young age, that if you don’t have substance as your foundation, you have nothing. And, if you cannot present that substance with refinement and sophistication - you will neither convince nor persuade. I admit my parents were wise to teach us these qualities early on; I mean seriously, you can’t expect anything positive to come from telling a person that you think they’re an idiot, or what they’re saying is stupid. A better choice of words would be, “I don’t understand.” So instead of trying to be right, I’ve found that the best way to win an argument is to aim for an entirely different target. This has worked for me every time I’ve applied it, and I’ve used it dozens of times. The idea is to communicate how you are relating to the other person’s perspective without casting a negative judgment upon what they are actually saying. It’s tough – and there are times I feel like cussing at my contender – but as I’ve matured, I’ve learnt doing something like that may give me a temporary relief, but it’ll get me nowhere…
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Very good question! In fact, this is something I’ve personally experienced the pros and cons of through out life. There is a standard rule that sometimes, less is more! Meaning - verifying your own point of view comes with the territory of speaking less than you think you should. I think our default as females is talking more than we should, we don’t just tend to listen as much for some reason! Standing up for myself is a given! I NEVER let go of my rights - as long as I have a right! Arguing for the sake of arguing used to be a thrill, yet I guess when times you realize it was a phase, or you just push that button whenever it was needed! The art of using words is phenomenal! It can definitely break someone easily, but a win-lose situation would be controlling what you say and how you say it. The guilt faced after making someone feel bad is just not worth it, unless they themselves are not worth it! At that point go for it and shoot for the stars. It’s a balance that needs to be accomplished between what to say, how to say it and when not to say it. But answering the main question and bottom line, yes I do get my point across, I never tend to NOT getting it across, yet choosing my battles is a form of development and refining the talent I believe!
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Mohamed Elsaie: There isn’t anything wrong with the word ‘argument.’ Any time two people disagree about something and proceed with a discussion, they are arguing. There are good arguments and bad arguments - but they are all arguments. “For some, arguing could be an unacceptable word that could be replaced with negotiation.” There will be times when small irritations can cause mountains to grow out of molehills, so it’s important to keep striving for better communication. In my opinion, common barriers to communication include: threatening
