E.R… What…?

Are you an ‘E.R.D’? And before you go and get offended I mean are you an; Erratic, Random Driver…? As a nation of many, many, maaaanyy traits; today we tackle one of our more modern symptoms… ER…

Answer these questions to know:

  • Do you like driving in zigzag mode?
  • Do you only drive in zigzag mode?
  • Have you tried driving in straight lines?
  • Was the stress too much to handle when you were driving in a straight line?
  • Was your life in danger when you tried to drive straight for an extended period of time?
  • Do you feel urges to swerve right when you are at the outmost left (min ahl el yameen)?
  • Do you act upon these urges thus swerve anyway when you feel like it?
  • Do you stop in front of the place you want irrespective of people cars and general decency?
  • Do you honk, all the time, anytime; just coz you like the sound of your honk?
  • Do you not use signals, as not to alert others where you’re going next?
  • Do you hate all soyaas, because this is not an actual job, and yet somehow they are still doing it?
  • Do you hate el soyaas, just because they are nassabeen?
  • Do you hate soyaas secretly and pay them, so that your car doesn’t get scratched while it is parking?
  • Are you… a woman parking a car! (just kidding…or am I)

If you answered any of the above with yes, you’re officially an ERD and depending on which ones you answered yes, a proud one at that.

A study was conducted on Salah Salem road near El Manasa, to monitor traffic and driving behaviors, after days of footage and running a simulation, it was concluded that you can’t reach safely if you drove in a straight line from manzel 6 October to the stop signal (sorry I mean traffic signal – like anyone bothers to actually stop).

Let’s tackle another of our ‘E.R’ syndromes: Are you an E.R.I (Erratic, Random Individual)?

Answer these questions to know:

  • Do you like the smell of gas (commonly elkola), and due the current shortage in fuel nationwide, you are suffering constant headaches?
  • Do you know anyone who likes the smell of gas (commonly elkola) and they have headaches?
  • Do you hang out at ‘On the Run’ in the gas station for more than 1 hour?
  • If so, is it to smell gas?
  • Do you believe yourself a political analyst or a soccer coach at any given time?
  • Do you not read, to not apply lessons that should be learned?
  • Do you got to work, ready with excuses, ready to shift risk and blame, because mafesh fayda?
  • Do you hate your boss, and believe he/she are the cause of your suffering?
  • Did you ever stop to think, that it may be your lazy ass that is the cause for all your suffering?
  • Do you plan to not plan, so no one can blame you?
  • Do you feel what you feel when you feel that you feel?
  • Do you… you know… when you do?
  • Do you believe the SCAF, El Ekhwan or El Tarf el talit?
  • Are you one of those who ask that we participate in the Olympics, but then criticize when as expected we don’t achieve anything?

If there is another yes here, congrats, you are an E.R.I as they come, good for you. Sadly there were no studies, because they were all conducted by the same E.R.I people and can’t be taken as reference. Another E.R syndrome, but on a much bigger scale: Are we E.R.S (Erratic, Random Society)? 

  • Manshyet Nasser?
  • Toshka?
  • Kobry 6 October?
  • Tawfik Fokasha?
  • El Nady El Masry?
  • El Salf?
  • H. S. Abo Ismail?
  • El Ekhwan?
  • SCAF?
  • El Ekhwan (tani 3shan very important)?
  • SCAF? (Bardo important)
  • El Lahow el Khafi?
  • Trainings jumpsuits beta3t Olympic Team?

Those above are not questions, they are the case studies!

We don’t plan, because planning is accountability, it is making known what you should achieve with how much money in how much of a time frame. Who needs that, how can I steal, be ambiguous about performance or be lazy if they know how they should be measuring me. So embrace randomness, make life easy… be erratic… be random.

In conclusion, no lessons or words of wisdoms here, not this time, especially since I am in an E.R.W mode.