A very confusing, puzzling and sometimes misunderstood relationship is the one between a man and a woman. Meg Ryan and Bill Crystal starring in the movie “When Harry met Sally” actually raised this exact question, and convinced a nation of moviegoers that sex always comes between men and women, making true friendship impossible.

Psychologists have studied and discussed cross-gender relationship for years. The main reason for the failure of this relationship is sexual tension. The psychologists think that through the researches they found out that the sexual tension can’t be ignored whether you like it or not, you should learn how to deal with it. So, it is difficult because the only fear is that the relationship may develop to a romantic level, a thing that one would never need to worry about in a same-sex friendship.

On the behalf of DG magazine, I interviewed random men and women from different fields to shed more light on this topic:

Soha explained why it is very healthy to have friends from the opposite sex, explaining that with the relief she finds in sharing stories or problems and gets the advice she needs to hear, better than if shared with her female friend. Sometimes it’s the jealousy between women, and sometimes it’s wiser to tell a man. She added that it’s fun to know a mans perspective, which is very helpful in her relationship with her spouse.

Amany is an English teacher, married; middle aged friend of mine told me that it’s 100% impossible that a man and a woman can be real friends. When I was shocked at her answer, she proceeded giving me evidences which made me feel that she had a point! The first thing was very convincing; she said that the lack of honesty about it is main reason behind the relationship’s failure. It’s never confronted when there is a male-female friendship. They always tend to hide it as if it’s unaccepted or as if they are doing something wrong. She said it’s never been easy to find a married woman saying that she has a malefriend, and also for a woman in a relationship to have a male as her friend. So, it’s only accepted when the woman is free?

Gigi is a tourist guide and she works in a field full of men and can’t help but making new male friends every day. It’s not a problem at all, Gigi started her speech; having friends from the opposite sex as long as you know your limits. You should identify your relationship. Knowing that it’s built on respect and exchanging experiences and no more, is the best healthy thing you can ever do to keep this relationship successful.

1. To see each other frequently, like a co-worker, a colleague, a woman in the gym. The frequency is very important and then comes intimacy.

2. To be spending lots of time together not only at work or at the regular places you used to meet, but also spending leisure time together.

3. To share things together, such as stories or private information and that needs a good amount of trust.

Asser is the first gentleman I asked, he told me that it’s not impossible to have a female friend if they are both married, in this case they will make really good friends. By asking him why, he replied that the married friends will know their limits and will never be sexually attracted. That also requires a reasonable amount of confidence from their spouses or else they will be jeopardizing their marriage.

Tarek, another gentleman defended the idea of having ‘lots’ of female friends, but with a long list of restrictions. He loves to share stories but some topics can’t be tackled if they are manly issues. He loves to talk with his female friends but not at any time, meaning that he can’t talk in the middle of the night for example. But as long as they know their boundaries, nothing will go wrong!

Walid was quite different. He didn’t only oppose the idea of having a female friend, but also refused to have one! When I looked surprised, he said that women can only be colleagues, co-workers, relatives or wives -- but not friends. He preferred to live safely and away from trouble. He enjoys hanging out with his male friends who share the same everything, so why bother himself with making female friends! It’s always risky mainly because women tend to understand things in a wrong way and believe that when a man is a friend now it’s because he wants to move to another level later on!

John Gray says” I don’t see it as a problem at all when women relate to men more than women. Where it can be a problem is where women deny their feminine side, and see it as a form of weakness. That’s a common phenomenon, and that is a problem for relationships. It’s hard for her to open up and be vulnerable. In some cases, that denial of femininity shows up as liking to hang out with guys. But it can also show up as liking to hang out with girlfriends, and she just tends to find girlfriends that are also quite shut down to their femininity. Guys who like to hang out with girls and have lots of girl friends, typically there are two categories. There’s the guy who just likes girls and also has male friends. But there is another guy who hangs out with girls because they listen to him talk about his feelings, and he’ll say guys don’t relate to it or like it at all. This guy has a problem because guys won’t want to hang out with him, and girls will be like friends to him, but they are never going to want to have a relationship with him. You won’t feel an attraction to him if you’re a woman, if a guy is too much like a girl.

Steve Harvey; is an American stand-up comedian, a television and radio host, he is the host of” The Steve Harvey Morning Show” and a bestselling author. He is the writer of’ “Act like lady Think like a Man”. Harvey has another point of view. He says that if a woman thinks that she is just a friend is delusional. Harvey’s friends are all men and he has no female friends, because he is incapable of doing so. He explains why men and women can’t be just friends by saying that they think they are just friends because they have made it absolutely clear that nothing else should happen. But he thinks that whenever they, he means men, have the opportunity if there is a crack in the door they will slide in and go further. He also said that this is how 99,9% of men think!

I had to search for the religious opinion. Amr Khaled; the influential Muslim Television speaker and one of the most sought-after preachers in Egypt, explained in one of his speeches the friendship between men and women. He was quiet clear in identifying that the feeling of love is the source of life and the highest human relations, therefore we can’t deny or condemn this pure emotion. But we should know how to put it in the perfect frame which God has made. So, when a man feels attracted to a woman he should do the right steps; engagement then marriage. Their relationship should be through them; hence friendship between man and women is prohibited in Islam. It’s for the benefit of both man and woman. In The Holy Qur’an, Surah An- Nisa, God says:” wed them with the leave of their owners, and give them their dowers, according to what is reasonable: they should be chaste not lustful nor taking paramours “. Verse 25.

By: Amal Hejazi